Withholding Nothing Read online

  Withholding Nothing

  by Victoria Bright

  COPYRIGHT 2018 VICTORIA BRIGHT

  Cover Design: Laura Hidalgo

  Editor: Edits By V

  Photography: Eric David Battershell

  Models: Xavisus and Sarah Gayden

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to similarly named places or to persons living or deceased is unintentional.

  Dedication

  To X:

  Thank you for being the inspiration that helped me bring O’Shea to life. You can be infuriating at times, but there’s no one else I’d rather have bug me than you.

  I love you, you cocky asshole.

  And don’t get any ideas if you manage to read this book.

  I’m not even kidding.

  xoxo,

  V

  Chapter One

  Ashton

  You know how everyone’s all, “Ah! Friday the 13th,” when that day comes around thanks to that hockey mask-wearing swamp creep? I felt that way about March 30th. But my villains weren’t knife wielding, mask-wearing figments of my imagination. They came in the form of Fucking Steve and my backstabbing, cum bucket of an ex best friend, Clarissa.

  ∞∞∞

  “So how’d it go in court today?” my best friend Ava asked as we sat at the bar. Mickey’s Bar was packed for Thirsty Thursdays as it usually was. Pop music blared through the speakers as hypnotic strobe lights pulsed over the dancing bodies on the dance floor. Familiar faces passed us, giving me a nervous look before they’d quickly look away. I’d admit that it was a bit strange being back here after everything that’d happened between Steve, Clarissa, and me three months ago. Now everyone probably thinks I’m really a psycho.

  I rolled my eyes as the earlier memories came to the surface. “With the way Steve acted, you’d think I’d cut his dick off and stapled it to his forehead,” I muttered, draining the rest of the beer from my bottle.

  Ava scoffed. “You should have after what he did,” she replied just as our other best friend, Alex, approached us.

  “The main attraction has arrived, bitches!” she exclaimed, plopping down on the barstool next to me. “I heard something about a dick being cut off. What are you guys talking about?”

  “Stupid court today,” I answered.

  “Ugh, don’t tell me that bastard won the case.”

  “Well, yes and no,” I replied. “Yes because I still have to pay him, but no because I don’t have to pay him what he tried to sue me for.” I scowled as I remembered Clarissa being at his side. “And to make matters worse, he had the nerve to bring that cunt along, too.”

  Alex rolled her eyes and waved down the bartender. “How much do you have to pay him then?”

  “He’d wanted $20,000, but the judge said we both deserved to be punished, so I only have to pay half of it. And while that would be fine and dandy, I don’t have ten grand just lying around.”

  “They’re always hiring for strippers, you know,” Alex joked just as Kyle approached us.

  “Hey there, ladies.” He smiled at me, throwing a towel over his shoulder. “Ashton…long time no see,” he said, his brown eyes boring into me. I gave him a small smile.

  “Yeah, busy with life and everything.”

  “That’s understandable. Need another drink?”

  “Sex on the Beach this time, please.”

  “Good choice,” he said with a wink and walked away.

  “You guys should just go ahead and bang each other and get it over with,” Alex said. “It’s obvious the guy has a hard on for you.”

  “What makes you say that?” Ava asked. Alex shrugged.

  “He just does, I can tell. And he’s cute, so there’s that.”

  “I’m not interested in dating anyone. I just got out of a four-year relationship. I need time to find myself again,” I said, leaning against the bar.

  “Anyway, so what are you going to do about Steve? You were just saying last week that you were getting behind on bills and now you have this lawsuit—”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me. I haven’t figured that part out yet,” I said. Alex opened her mouth to speak, but I held my hand up. “And I’m not going to be a stripper.”

  “You’re already doing the phone sex operator thing, so I wouldn’t count out stripping if I were you,” Alex said with a shrug. “What the hell does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?”

  Kyle soon returned with my drink, sliding it over to me with an adorable smile. Alex snapped her fingers at him.

  “Hey, can I get a drink or something, buddy? Or is Ashton the only one who exists tonight?” she teased. He chuckled.

  “I’m sorry, Alex. What can I get for you?”

  “Rum and coke, thanks,” she said and turned back to me. “Have you thought of a roommate?”

  I raised a brow as I took a sip from my glass, finally shaking my head. “I don’t really know about a roommate. I mean a stranger living with me sounds like the perfect plot for a Forensic Files episode,” I mused.

  Ava giggled. “I’d say that you’re being super paranoid, but that idea is a bit valid since Oakley Falls is in the middle of nowhere.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, plenty of open fields and forests to dump bodies in,” I said and laughed.

  “I’m two seconds away from disowning you both for being insane,” Alex said, picking up her glass when Kyle returned with it. “But seriously, you should consider it. I mean at least get one until you’re able to find something that pays better than the phone sex gig.”

  “I agree,” Ava said. “Just make it a temporary thing for now, maybe until you’re caught up on your bills or something.”

  “I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. “It just feels like my entire life is falling apart now.”

  And it was.

  I’d gone from being in what I thought was a happy relationship to being dumped, humiliated, and now broke. After losing my job after the incident, bills became harder to pay, even after starting as a phone sex operator. Even though sex sells, it still wasn’t quite enough to maintain my current responsibilities. As nervous as I was about the idea of a roommate, it seemed like the only option I had if I wanted to avoid moving back in with my parents.

  Ava leaned over and wrapped her arms around me, giving me a tight squeeze. “Just know we’re here for you.”

  “I know things are tough right now, but I think things can only go up from here. I mean there’s nowhere else to go when you’ve hit rock bottom,” Alex added. I gave a small shrug and took a big gulp from my drink.

  “In the event that I was to want a roommate, how would I go about doing—”

  “Say no more! I know exactly how to handle this,” Alex interrupted and held her hand out. “Let me see your phone.”

  I leaned back a little. “What for?”

  “To post an ad, duh,” Alex scoffed. My hand tightened on my phone for a moment before I reluctantly handed it to her. She tossed her hair over her shoulders and straightened her posture. “Now watch a pro work.” She furiously typed on the screen for a few moments before she paused and looked up at me. “Does it matter the gender?”

  I shrugged. “I mean not really. As long as the guy isn’t a creep. I just want them to be around the same age as me,” I answered.

  “So no creepers, same age,” Alex repeated, typing again.

  “Oh and no smoking since Ash isn’t a smoker,” Ava added.

  “Right,” I confirmed. “And no pets. The complex doesn’t allow them.”

  “No smoking or pets, got it,” Alex murmured. She continued typing for another minute before passing my p
hone back to me. “Done.”

  “Done?” I exclaimed. “But I didn’t even get to see it!”

  “I put what you told me to put on it.”

  “But what if Steve or someone we know sees it?” I exclaimed. Being the asshole he was, he’d have a field day to know that I was struggling to pay him back.

  “For starters, fuck Steve. Second, the point of posting an ad is for people to see it. You never know who’s looking for a roommate,” she said, sipping her drink.

  “Speak of the asshole,” Ava said, looking past me.

  I turned around and saw Steve, Clarissa, and Steve’s two friends, Todd and Carter, walking toward the bar. The three guys slapped hands with each other and laughed about something as Steve had his arm draped over Clarissa’s shoulders. My hand tightened on my glass at the sight of them. It was so crazy how things changed within a few months. Not long ago, that used to be me under his arms as he had drinks with his friends, having a good time together. Oh well. Such was life.

  His smile still had the potential to make a woman melt off her barstool into a pool of goo and his piercing blue eyes were so easy to get lost in. I remembered spending countless nights staring into them, wondering how I’d gotten so lucky. His eyes drifted in our direction and locked on mine, his smile fading as he averted his attention back to his friends and Clarissa and continued joking around.

  To say my heart sank was an understatement. What the hell did I expect anyway? It wasn’t as if everything was going to go in slow motion around us as he approached me, took me into his arms to kiss my pain away, and apologize for what he did to me. Hell, he never even showed remorse for what he’d done.

  Ava snapped her fingers in front of my face.

  “Wha…what is it?” I asked, shaking myself from my Steve trance. She shook her head.

  “I was telling you not to worry about them. We’re here to have a good time, so no drama,” she warned.

  I nodded and turned around on my barstool. “Right,” I said, staring into my glass.

  “Hey, Kyle! Need another round of beers and a glass of water for the lady!” Carter’s nasally voice made my skin crawl as he appeared in my peripheral, slapping the bar top. He looked over at us and leaned against the bar with a bright smile. “How’s it going, ladies?”

  Alex scoffed. “Well, if it isn’t the Three Stooges of the Valley and the whore of Babylon,” she drawled, appearing bored with their presence. Clarissa scowled at her.

  “You’re one to talk, Alex. Pretty sure you’ve slept with every single guy in town,” she retorted. Alex wagged her finger at Clarissa.

  “But unlike you, whore, they were all single. How desperate were you to have to steal your own best friend’s boyfriend? At least I have some kind of dignity.”

  I fought the urge to snicker, instead keeping my eyes focused on my glass. Alex wasn’t wrong.

  “Don’t be like that, baby,” Todd said, moving in closer to Alex, trying to diffuse the growing tension. She recoiled back from him, her face twisting in displeasure.

  “I’m not your baby. Where’s your wife anyway, Todd?” she asked, sipping her drink. He frowned and retrieved his new beer mug from the counter.

  “She’s visiting her parents if you must know,” he clipped before focusing on me. “Ashton! Haven’t seen you in awhile. How’ve you been?”

  I clenched my teeth together as I forced a small smile. Don’t cause any drama. Don’t cause any drama. “I’m fine,” I replied, taking a large gulp of my drink. Carter nudged Steve in the ribs.

  “Aren’t you going to at least speak to her? No need to be rude,” he joked. Ava nodded in agreement.

  “Yeah, Steve, don’t be a bigger dick than you already are,” she said with a smirk. Steve grabbed his mug from the counter and gave me a passing glance.

  “We spoke enough in court this morning. Unless we’re going to talk about the $10,000 she owes me, I don’t think I owe her anything,” he answered nonchalantly, refusing to make eye contact with me. I rolled my eyes and clenched my teeth together. Just a few more moments, Ashton. If you don’t say anything, they’ll leave sooner.

  Alex cocked her head to the side as Clarissa retrieve a glass of water from Kyle. “Not having your usual whore juice, whore?” she mentioned.

  “Alex!” Ava hissed under her breath. Clarissa gave her a tight smile as Steve gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

  “How sad your single life must be to try to tear another woman down, Alexandria,” she started. “But for your information, I’m not drinking tonight because it isn’t healthy for our baby.”

  Had I been standing, the news would’ve knocked me off my feet. Tears burned my eyes as I focused on my drink, sucking on the straw until nothing remained in my cup.

  Todd playfully punched Steve in the shoulder. “You didn’t even tell us, you dickhead! Congrats, man! I guess that shot gun wedding you guys are having in a couple of weeks makes a lot more sense now.”

  I coughed as the last of my drink went down the wrong way, causing everyone to look at me. A baby on the way and getting married soon? I guess he wasted no time moving on with his life after we broke up.

  “You okay?” Ava asked, looking at me with concerned eyes.

  “Never better,” I replied, my voice higher than I intended. Clarissa looked at me with a smirk as she took a sip of her water and turned to Steve.

  “How about we go get a table, honey? It’s getting a bit…awkward over here,” she said. Steve nodded and steered her away and back through the crowd, Carter and Todd in tow.

  “What a cunt,” Alex muttered before downing another shot and turning to me. “Don’t worry about them. They’re perfect for each other. He’s a dick and she’s an asshole. One is going to eventually fuck the other.”

  I turned back to the bar and flagged down Kyle. He strolled over and stopped in front me.

  “What can I get you, doll face?” he asked.

  “A shot of whiskey, please!” I exclaimed breathlessly.

  He chuckled. “Wanting the hard stuff tonight, huh?” he asked as he poured the drink and slid it over to me. I gulped it down without a word and slammed the glass on the counter.

  “Hit me again,” I panted, wincing as the amber liquid burned my throat and chest. I needed to feel any kind of pain other than the emotional pain that threatened to break through. As hard as I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind, my subconscious screamed, That should have been me!

  In my entire relationship with Steve, he made it crystal clear that he didn’t want kids and he wasn’t 100% sure that he even wanted to be married, at least not any time soon. He’d said that there were so many other things to factor in. He’d wanted to be more stable and further along in his career, he’d wanted us to be financially ready to handle a baby. Being the charismatic bastard he was, he kept me content by convincing me that “maybe I was the one to change his mind,” and that he could see a future with me. Now I realize that he was nothing but a walking sack of lies with a handsome face and persuasive words.

  Kyle passed me another shot, watching as I downed it and slammed the glass on the counter. Steve and his group sat within eyesight, laughing and having a good time. If I were being honest, I’d fully admit that I was jealous. Jealous that my cunt of an ex best friend had something that I didn’t that made her more worthy of marriage and creating a family with. The moment I saw Steve passionately kiss her, whatever pieces I had left of my heart shattered completely.

  “Another,” I said to Kyle. He glanced in Steve’s direction and shook his head.

  “Don’t let him get to you, Ash. You deserve better than him anyway,” he coaxed, placing a gentle hand on top of mine.

  “He’s right, Ashton. Don’t give him power over your emotions. That’s all he wants,” Ava chimed in.

  I shook my head. “Less talking, more alcohol,” I said, tapping the shot glass against the counter. Kyle sighed and poured another shot, shaking his head when I downed it. Memories of our breakup flooded my
mind in an instant and their “good news” echoed in my mind. Warmth slowly took over my body with each shot I took until the room started to spin. I wanted to forget everything: the breakup, my problems, my failures. The whiskey wrapped me in its comfort, making it easy to breathe again. When I slammed the glass down once more, Kyle shook his head.

  “I can’t, Ashton,” he murmured, his eyes sympathetic. I waved my hand and tapped the glass on the counter.

  “Just keep them coming,” I muttered, swaying a little. His sad eyes never wavered as he shook his head.

  “After what happened last time…Mickey specifically told me to limit you,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

  I stood on shaky legs. “Whatever. I’m going to go dance,” I hiccupped, teetering toward the dance floor. I pushed deep into the crowd, losing myself in the music and the swarming bodies around me. As long as I was drunk, I didn’t feel any pain or disappointment. My problems evaporated as I drowned my sorrows in whiskey, replacing my sadness with a comforting heat. The room spun around me despite me standing in one place, swaying my hips to the music. A couple of guys danced around me and all I could think about was Steve and Clarissa.

  My eyes drifted up just in time to see Steve, Clarissa, Todd, and Carter walking up the stairs to leave the bar. I pushed the guys away from me and made my way back to the bar. It was a bad idea to come here. It was bad enough that I was flooded with memories of what happened a couple of months ago, but to see Steve in the flesh confirming that his life was so much better without me hurt even more. I wasn’t prepared for it. It was hard enough seeing him in court this morning, but seeing him tonight was like purposely ripping a Band-Aid off of a large wound that hadn’t had a chance to heal. Now my heart bled all over again as if the situation had just happened.

  “Where are you going?” Ava asked when I grabbed my clutch from her.

  “Home,” I stated, stumbling toward the stairs to leave. Ava and Alex were quick on my heels, urging me not to drive.

  “Ash, you’re fucking wasted! It’s not safe for you to be on those dark back roads,” Alex protested.