Musings of a Gossip Queen: A Chick-Lit Comedy Read online

  “Mind if I Snapchat with you guys?” I ask the group. They all shake their heads and scoot in closer as I start to record. We dance, laugh and drink as I record story after story. I may not have considered Taylor much of a friend before now, but I have to give her credit. This is really nice of her to do.

  11:30 p.m.

  Dance floor

  “Let’s take this party to the dance floor, girls!” Taylor calls out, jumping to her feet and swaying her hips to the music as she heads to the dance floor. We all follow behind her and dance. Somewhere along the way I get separated from them and end up dancing with some guy I don’t know and who’s a little bit too touchy for my taste.

  “Hey, baby, I'm a talent agent. I'm always looking for new talent,” he says in my ear, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

  Creep alert.

  His arms are tight around my waist and his breath smells of whiskey. I attempt to push away from him, only for him to pull me back in.

  “It's only a dance, pretty thing. You have the prettiest mouth,” he says, leaning in dangerously close to my face.

  Before I can even react, another strong arm wraps around my upper body and pull me from the man’s grasp. I turn around, ready to give someone a piece of my mind, but come face to face with a not-so-happy Silas. The man glares at him and steps forward.

  “I'm sure you could see that I was dancing with her first,” he barks. Silas appears completely unmoved by the man’s apparent anger.

  “She doesn't want to dance,” he simply says. The man looks between the both of us and wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

  “Fine. Dance with the whore then!” he says and storms off the dance floor.

  Silas turns and looks down on me with concerned eyes. “You should be more careful,” he says, his smooth voice firm, the same it had been when he was talking to Madicunt in the meeting room about me.

  “I got separated from the group I was with,” I admit, looking around for Taylor or any of the girls.

  “I came here to take pictures, not play bodyguard,” he notes.

  I nod, focusing my gaze on the floor. How embarrassing.

  “I’m sorry about that,” I say, keeping my eyes glued to my shoes.

  We stand there for a few moments before he says, “Well, would you like to dance?”

  11:42 p.m.

  Still on the dance floor

  Sweet baby Jesus in a play pen.

  I’m dancing with Silas.

  LIKE LITERALLY DANCING WITH SILAS!

  Of course a slow song now plays to slow down the mood. His hands rest on my hips as he looks down at me, his blue eyes pulling me in. I’ve had too much champagne and I’m suddenly warm all over.

  He smells so good, oh my goodness.

  “Did you get any good pictures?” I ask, trying to break the trance he has on me. He simply nods and continues to look at me. It’s starting to get a bit uncomfortable. “Can I ask you something? You can tell me it’s none of my business if you want.”

  He shrugs. “Okay.”

  “Are you and Madison dating?”

  “No. She’s not really my type,” he answers. I almost want to break out into a happy dance, but I play it cool in front of him.

  “So what is your type?” I ask, holding his gaze.

  “Someone who knows how to be themselves. Someone who can make me laugh and know how to not be so serious all the time.”

  Well, that surprises the hell out of me. He hardly says two words to most of us and comes off as serious, but he wants his partner to be the complete opposite. Then what the hell is he doing hanging around with someone like Madicunt? His type doesn’t sound like anything she is.

  “Are you single?” he asks.

  “Yeah,” I say. “I have been for a while.”

  “That’s unfortunate.”

  “How so?”

  “You seem like a good girl,” he answers.

  Oh how I wish that was true. I’m far from a good girl. My gossiping has landed me in some bad situations, one of which is the reason I’m single.

  “Are you?” I ask.

  “Am I what?”

  “Single.”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s unfortunate,” I mimic with a grin.

  A slow smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. “How so?”

  “You seem like a good guy. Any woman would be crazy to let you go.”

  “Life happens sometimes,” he says.

  I lose track of time while we dance, never breaking my eyes away from his. His eyes divert to my mouth when I nibble on my bottom lip. Curse my nervous ticks.

  He slowly leans forward, coming so close to my face that I can smell his minty breath. I close my eyes to prepare for our lips to connect. Thank you sweet baby Jesus for this moment!

  “Uh Blake?” Silas says. I open my eyes and meet his confused expression. “What are you doing?”

  He’s still standing in the same position, not leaning forward as if to kiss me. Yeah, I’ve really had too much to drink and am bound to completely embarrass myself if I don’t get a grip.

  “I, um…I—” I stammer, only to be interrupted by the commotion happening at the bar.

  Silas lets go of me and turns around, seeing two women throwing drinks at each other and then grabbing for the other. He grabs his camera. “Looks like it’s showtime.”

  I breathe a slight sigh of relief. Embarrassing moment has been dodged for now.

  11:47 p.m.

  Glitz Bar

  It’s a show, all right.

  As speculated, London and Jamie are now catfighting at the bar while Riley stands a few feet away with his camera out, snickering and exchanging words with the two guys at his side. I can’t believe either one of them is fighting over that boob. He isn’t much to look at; the only thing that looks good about him is his money, considering he’s the heir to some huge oil company or something along those boring lines. Another famous person simply famous for being rich. Lame.

  I record the scene for my SnapChat story. It’s pretty awesome to actually witness this situation with my own eyes instead of reading about it or seeing someone else’s crappy video footage. Can’t wait to hear what everyone thinks tomorrow at work. That’ll show Thunder Cunt about messing with me.

  12:14 a.m.

  Bathroom

  Ugh. I’ve had too much to drink and I’m definitely ready to go home. Who in the hell has a party on a Thursday night anyhow?

  Oh yeah. People who don’t work normal jobs.

  12:15 a.m.

  Bathroom stall

  As I sit in a stall trying to get myself together, the bathroom fills with the sound of giggling girls and clicking heels. I need to find Taylor. I’m ready to get out of here.

  “Why did we even come here? You don’t even like London,” I hear a stuffy, monotone voice say.

  “There isn’t a rule saying I have to like her. I’m only here to keep up appearances. Little does she know I’m sleeping with Garrett,” someone else replies. Gossip!

  I tiptoe over to the door so that my heels don’t hit the floor and peek through the crack of the bathroom stall door. Well, fuck me and call me Suzy. London’s own little sister, Paris!

  Wait, is she even old enough to be here, let alone fucking her sister’s boyfriend?

  I pull out my phone to perform a quick Google search of Paris. Yep, she’s old enough. She sure doesn’t look nineteen. But Garrett is around London’s age…ew. I don’t even want to think about that. Even if she is of age, that scenario is just…odd.

  “How awkward will it be when you guys finally announce your engagement when they’re still technically dating?” the stuffy voice asks. Although I can see her, I have no idea who she was. Then again, it’s hard to recognize someone when your mind is hazy from all the champagne you’ve drank. I really need to get out of here.

  “I have a better plan. Garrett and I are thinking about eloping next year. I just want to see the look on London’s fac
e when she finds out. I’m so sick of being in the shadow and always being seen as less than. She thinks she’s hot shit because she got a couple of modeling and acting gigs, but I’ll show her that I’ve always been better than her,” Paris responds, her voice laced with venom.

  Rich people problems. Sounds like a telenovela, but in English.

  “You’re so devious, I love it!” the other girl says. Even though she’s visibly excited, it’s like she can’t portray it with her voice. It’s always flat and boring, kind of like that guy from the Clear Eyes commercial but ALL THE TIME. Imagine if she goes into a movie theater and says, “Oh my goodness, there’s a fire.” I’ll bet people would look at her for a moment and go back to looking at the movie.

  “Of course I am, darling. Let’s get out of here,” she says and heads for the door.

  When they finally walk out, I exit the stall with wide eyes. Yep, that’s definitely something to blog about when I get home.

  12:30 a.m.

  Glitz Lounge

  When I walk out of the bathroom, I finally find Taylor and her girls. “Hey, I have to work in the morning, so if you still want to party, I can just catch a cab,” I say to her.

  “Okay, girl, see you later!” she says, dancing her way back to the dance floor with her friends.

  I sigh. Of course she isn’t ready to leave.

  “Need a ride?” I hear behind me.

  I turn and come face to face with Silas again. Giving him a small smile, I nod.

  “If you don’t mind, sure,” I say.

  He motions for me to follow him and leads me out of the warm lounge and into the bitter cold New York air. I wait as he gives the valet his parking ticket, wrapping my arms around myself to combat the chill.

  He looks over to me. “Are you cold?”

  No shit, Sherlock.

  “Yeah, a little,” I say. He shrugs off his jacket and hands it to me. “No, you don’t have to.”

  “Trust me, you’ll need it for the ride home.”

  While I spend time wondering whether or not he has a car or truck where the windows don’t roll up or the heat doesn’t work, his reason for saying what he did finally pulls up.

  Oh no. HELL no.

  12:34 a.m.

  Outside of Glitz Lounge

  “Uh…this is what you drove here?” I ask. He picks up a helmet and looks back at me.

  “Yeah.” He reaches for a spare helmet and holds it out to me. “Are you copping out? Add to your little SnapChat story that you ended up on the back of a motorcycle with a madman,” he says, a grin pulling at his luscious lips.

  I shift my weight from foot to foot. “But I mean…I’m wearing a dress that’s a bit short—”

  “You’ll be fine. I’ll be covering your front. You won’t be exposed,” he says, waving the helmet. “Ready to rock and roll?”

  With a sigh, I take the helmet and curse Taylor in my mind. Damn her for not being ready to go.

  “Let’s rock and roll then.”

  12:45 a.m.

  On the road

  I grab my phone as we sit at a red light and open SnapChat. Holding the phone out in front of me to get Silas in the frame, I start recording. “Say hi, Silas!”

  He only smiles in response as the light turns green, sending us speeding off into the night. I record for a few more seconds, long enough so Madicunt will know that I’m on the back of his motorcycle. Look at me, whore! I’m riding on the back of his bike with my arms around him! Ha!

  The warmth that exudes from him is comforting to my cold limbs. I’ll have to remember to bring my own coat with me when I go with Taylor. I was expecting to ride back home in a limo, not be on the back of a bike. But to ride on the back of a motorcycle with Sex Bomb?

  I’ll take it.

  12:57 a.m.

  Outside my apartment building

  “Thanks for the lift,” I say, returning his helmet.

  “No problem. Thanks for allowing me to come. We got good stuff tonight,” he says. I fidget around a bit, not really knowing what to do. Will he actually kiss me like I fantasized about earlier? When he doesn’t say anything, I figure that’s out of the equation.

  “Well, thanks again. Good night,” I say, turning and heading for the door.

  “Blake,” he calls out. I turn around, my hopes for a goodnight kiss coming back to life. “You’re still wearing my jacket.”

  Shit.

  “Oh, sorry,” I sputter, shrugging it off and handing it to him. How embarrassing.

  “No problem. See you tomorrow,” he says, revving up his bike and speeding off down the street. I watch him until I can no longer see him, a small smile settling on my lips.

  Tonight was fucking awesome.

  1:15 a.m.

  Laying in bed

  Blake Unfiltered blog post #786

  Tonight was fucking AWESOME! I’ll have to thank Taylor again for inviting me to that party. I got the gossip I needed to show Madicunt the whale that I’m always steps ahead of her. I hope she saw my SnapChat stories, especially the one with Silas. Ugh he was so sexy tonight. Just when I thought he was about to kiss me, Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb (London and Jamie) broke out into a catfight and ruined my moment with Sex Bomb. Even though I imagined that moment, it was still great nevertheless. But it’s fine. We got the gossip we needed and I even got a little more than I bargained for when I took a trip to the bathroom.

  Who would’ve known that London’s little sister would be the one to stab her sister in the back? And not the you-lied-to-me or you-took-my-dress type of sister drama. She’s ENGAGED to her older sister’s boyfriend and is planning to secretly elope with him just to crush her sister. That’s some seriously savage shit. Can you imagine what their future family reunions or family dinners will be like after that happens? Pretty sure it’ll probably split the family and make things hella awkward.

  All in all, tonight was great. Taylor and her friends made my stories so much better. I can’t wait to get to work tomorrow to see what everyone thinks. Man, what a night. I’m so tipsy that I can barely see what I’m typing and I’m sure I’ll have a hangover from hell in the morning. But god damn it, I won’t even complain.

  It’ll be so worth it.

  xoxo,

  B

  Chapter Five

  Friday, January 16

  As Told By Blake

  By Blake Spencer

  Just when you thought the main drama at London Carlton’s birthday party last was her fight with ex-BFF, Jamie Tryst, we have something even juicer to report. Some people take the “keep it in the family” phrase literally. Hide your men, ladies! You never know who’s snooping behind your back; it could even be your own little sister.

  While at London’s birthday party last night, I was able to get the inside scoop on a conversation Paris Carlton and her friend thought was private. Carlton reveals to unknown friend that she’s been sleeping with London Carlton’s current boyfriend, Garrett McBee! Looks like your little sister is tired of living in your shadow and wants to take your entire life, London! There was even talks about eloping next year! How’s that for family drama at the next family reunion? Just when you think your family is all you can trust in this industry, they stab you in the back with your own boyfriend!

  We’ll keep you updated as the story develops. As always, stay tuned!

  Love and gossip,

  Blake

  Small Girl, Big City

  By Madison Hill

  Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Something else boring that she thinks is tabloid fodder.

  9:05 a.m.

  Hot Topic magazine office

  My desk

  Oh my God, I regret last night. I’m so hungover. Sweet baby Jesus in a hot tub. Help me!

  9:31 a.m.

  At my desk still because I can hardly function

  “OMG Blake, your SnapChat story was ah-mazing!” Carrie Jo says as she skips over to me and sits down in an empty chair next to me. “You’re so cool.”


  “I wouldn’t say I’m cool,” I admit, rubbing my temples to ease the migraine trying to form. “I just happen to know a few cool people.”

  “Well, you were cool enough to get Silas on camera,” she says, giving me a playful jab. “You looked as happy as a dead pig in sunshine.”

  If I didn’t feel as if my head was about to split in half, I would’ve raised my eyebrows at her. Even being from North Carolina, I don’t even know what that meant.

  “Yeah…whatever you say, CJ,” I say, trying to focus on my computer.

  “I can’t believe you got the fight on video,” Shayla mentions when she sits at her desk across from me. “Can I have your life?”

  “Guys, I’m seriously not as cool as you think I am. I just got lucky that my friend decided to invite me is all,” I say.

  Silas walks past my desk, but doesn’t say a word to me. It’s a complete 360 from last night. How does one go from being friendly and talkative, but returns to being mute and standoffish? Madicunt probably has something to do with it.

  Caesar strolls over and leans against Shayla’s desk. “How are you feeling today?” he asks me, his tone filled with amusement.

  I groan and put my head in my hands. “Like I’ve been hit by a truck and then thrown off the Empire State building,” I mumble.

  He chuckles. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  Carrie Jo waves Silas over. “Hey, Silas! Come over here a sec!”

  He eyes her for a few moments as he continues talking to Kreepy Kevin before making his way over to us. “What’s up?”